Akhsnika vs Music

I noticed one interesting personality trait in myself recently. I guess I've always had it in some form, but it seems to have gotten stronger over the years. I'm talking about my reluctance to find new music. It's shape has changed through time, but the basic trait is the same. I'll start this little diagnose from my teenage-years, so be warned.

As a teenager I was very much into punk. It was basically the only music genre I listened to. I wouldn't even try to find new artists from other genres, because they weren't part of my genre. I only now realize how much great music I missed back then. But the big question is, why did I behave like that?

I bet a part of it is teenager's insecurity about herself and her worth in the eyes of her peers. However, I don't think that's the whole picture. Today I believe it's because of how enormously personal music becomes, how deeply connected it is to your emotions. I'll tell you what made me realize this.

A few months ago I bumped into a new artist through some movie's fanvideo. At first I didn't even listen to the song itself (I mean, the video was about a movie I liked), but eventually it caught my ear. I thought to myself "Well, this isn't bad, whoever this is." A bit by bit I'd get to know the music of this wonderful artist, and to my annoyance more and more great songs came my way. Any artist or band can have 5 good songs. But when someone has over 10 good songs and counting...that is when the alarm goes off in my head. That's a Condition Red for me. 

So what do I do? I fight back. Even if I adored a song and it deeply moved me, I refuse to admit that I like it. I guess it's some kind of defense mechanism, since admitting you like someone's music means a part of your emotions are now tight to the melodies. Eventually I of course have to give up. If the artist truly is so mind-blowing, I have to surrender. For this particular artist, it took me a month.

So, what is the end result of this? Very few new artists or bands get to my heart. Most only have those 3+ good songs that I like listening to, and they have no effect on me on emotional level. However, there are few who have 3+ good albums.The only ones so far that have reached that level in my scale, are CMX, Faith No More and the most recent one, GACKT.


Faith no More even made it through my genre-obsessed years ("Not punk? It sucks"), and I've been listening to the band for about 20 years. CMX got into my life about 10 years ago. GACKT is a newcomer (for me that is, I'm probably the only on on Earth who didn't know him until 2011...), but I don't think he'll be going anywhere. These three I can see myself listening to even 30 years from now on.

However, these three also have something in common which shows clearly that a part of my personality trait has changed. All three are extremely versatile, moving from one genre to another freely. From one album to another, and even inside one individual album. I think that is wonderful. I don't really like this personality trait of mine, since it seriously limits my view on music, but at least I'm genre-free now. Thank god for that. If I was still stuck to my teenage-attitude, I'd have never found such awesome music. There's no my genre anymore, now there is my music.

Thank you, Kiitos, Dômo arigatô. You give the melody to my life.