torstai 28. kesäkuuta 2012

The Kingdom of Doubt and Uncertanity

I finished "Remembering the Kanji 1" (RTK1 among friends) about a week ago. I've now familiarized myself with 2200 Jouyo-kanji. I know it's a wonderful achievement, and something only the ones who are dead-serious about learning Japanese do, but somehow this feels...useless. I know RTK gives a very solid base for my Japanese, but the fact is I'm still not functional in the language, far from it. Again, this is something I knew would be the case before I even started, because RTK is just a foreplay, it's not the real Japanese. I know I'm not even supposed to be functional after just 8 months of intensive studies, but... I guess the biggest disturbances are, am I doing enough and is all of this even worth doing?

Especially since about a year from now on I'll be in serious financial troubles, since the bank makes me start paying back my huge student-loan then. If I had a job, it would be no problem. But about 70€/month is a big money for an unemployed. I'd want to have a real career by then, a career I love and want to advance in. But...can one become fluent in just 20 months (someone else than Khatzumoto-sensei)? Could I finish The Project by then? Even if I did, would I get a living through it? There are too many questions, and not enough answers. The only thing I know, is that I can't waste my life in a job I hate. I can't and I won't. But where should I start fixing this? I hate being poor.

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